


To Help #2

by Chibi_Seren



Series: To Help [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Almost Unrequited Love, Angst, Bisexuality, Cheating, Comfort, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 11:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10189091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibi_Seren/pseuds/Chibi_Seren
Summary: How would the RFA + Co, help out MC who was cheated on by another one of the RFA + Co members? Especially if the former person was in love with MC themselves?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my larger To Help series, being shifted from Tumblr on to here :)

Stretching for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night, Zen permitted his poor neck muscles some time to rest. Who says actors don’t have a hard job? He’s been pouring himself over this role for the last three weeks and still had issues with remembering some of the more obscure lines. Rubbing his eyes he looked over to the clock on the wall, 11:52pm, he’d been practising for more than 4 hours then- no wonder he was tired.

Suddenly a flash of movement caught his eyes. Was that an arm or a leg that he saw move past his window- but he lived in the basement of the building… was it the damn paparazzi again? He had told them that he didn’t care if they followed him around whenever he went out but lurking outside his home was truly bordering on illegal. Dropping his script on the coffee table as he pushed up his sleeves he let out a resigned sigh; he supposed it was better to catch them in the act and get rid of them now instead of seeing a four page spread of him walking around naked after a shower or something like that. Moving as quickly and silently towards his front door as he could so as to not alert them of his intentions, he sprung the door open expecting to see a photographer or two. Instead he we was met with MC sitting on the fourth step from the bottom of the landing. She was sitting so still she could almost be mistaken for a lovely statue, her hands folded upon themselves on her lap, her eyes focused on a spot and had a definite glassy sheen to them. She had been crying. Any joy that he felt at seeing her beautiful face instantly evaporated at seeing her blank expression. MC was always happy- at least in his mind that’s how she should always look. Who would dare take that smile away from the world? It would be a crime against humanity, just like if someone forced him to stop taking selfies- who was going to step up and take his photos and manage to do it justice.

“Hey MC! What are you doing out there? Where’s Saeran?” he half whispered not wishing to wake up his neighbours. MC didn’t even blink in response. _What the hell happened to her,_ he thought as he began to scale the stairs up to where she remained seated. Taking a seat next to her he noticed the muscles of her forearm twitch intermittently and her normally smooth skin marred with peaks of gooseflesh. Slapping himself mentally for not noticing how cold it was outside, he tore off his hoodie and positioned around her shoulders and placed the hood over her head. Still she didn’t move. She had been crying. She was on his doorstep in the middle of the night. Alone. Without her normally overbearing boyfriend by her side. She had officially ticked all the boxes that make rational Zen fly the coop and officially start to freak out. Casually draping his arm over her shoulder, he gave her a slight side hug hoping to break the trance she was fixed in but to no avail.

“Hey, Jagiya- why don’t we take this little party inside where it’s nice and warm? I think I even have some stuff for hot chocolate or something… come on, I can’t have our Princess get sick and have her Prince Charming come up and shank me without notice huh?” he attempted to joke with her; but at the mention of Saeran her eyes squinted in what Zen thought to be a wince of pain. So, it has got to do with that crazy bastard after all. The ivory haired actor waited a minute to see if his friend would respond with anything at all however she looked to be incapable to do so. Facing her completely, Zen secured his hold on her shoulder and then slid his hand under her knees to pick her up and bring her inside.

_This is not how I dreamed of carrying you into my house MC. This is not how this should have gone down at all._

After Zen had managed to sit her down on the couch, he went to work fixing them whatever hot beverage he could muster up in his house. He was never really one for hot chocolate or coffee, much preferring a good beer or maybe some juice but luckily he still had some of the chocolate MC had brought over during one of her visits. She would always do that, just pop by if she’d found something that she knew would suit him and drop it by, or send him encouraging messages throughout the day. She never corrected him when he kept calling her babe or sweetie and whenever he’d send her a selfie she’d send one right back, no matter what she was doing- just to get a smile from him. He wished she’d have told him off for calling her those pet names, because in his head he’d always add “my” in front of those terms of endearments and each time she’d respond to them his heart would fill up just that little bit more, before remembering that only one guy truly got to call her his.

Zen would often think back to the first day she entered their world and she so openly said that she wanted to learn more about him. How she’d fawn over him good naturedly with Jaehee and how they’d always keep his selfies saved on their phones. There was a time where he honestly thought there could have been… should have been… something more between them. When she had come over to cheer him up when he broke his leg, it was as if someone had turned on all the lights in his building and fit them all around his apartment. Everything was clear and beautiful for those few moments he could clearly see what he wanted to do, about his career, his health, his love… and when they gazed at the stars together he still swears to this day that she wanted him to kiss her. He was going to; he was just waiting for… _something_. He obviously waited too long. She had gotten a message from Saeyoung asking for some help or advice or whatever and then she gave him the most obvious look of longing and disappointment. That look in her eyes as she searched his that night is something he sees every day when he’s sitting in his apartment, all alone. She’d left to assist Saeyoung with something before their party, missing it completely- and then they were back all of a sudden with his twin brother.

Zen had stupidly hoped that they could pick up where they left off, that she’d be back to her flirty extroverted self, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. Suddenly she was over at the hospital every day to sit with the brothers. Saeyoung had said she was quite literally the only one Saeran wouldn’t yell at or be violent towards so the nurses always requested her assistance with him. When Saeyoung had taken him home to look after him there, being the kind-hearted woman she was- of course, MC had volunteered to help there too. She wasn’t in chats as often or at all some days, she couldn’t speak on the phone for too long before Saeran would get cranky and ask who was on the phone so she’d swiftly excuse herself to attend to him.

It wasn’t too long before Saeyoung had told everyone on the chat that one day he was coming in with some lunch he’d made to find Saeran pinning MC against the wall- with his mouth against hers. He actually went in far more depth much to everyone’s annoyance and disgust ( ~~which he got blasted for when MC got online~~ ) but it left Zen with a bitter taste in the back of his throat and a pressure on his chest that he’s never managed to ease no matter what he tried to do. Every time he sees them together he thinks his acting just gets that little bit better- that his smiles and caring words for them may even be fooling him into supporting their relationship.

Zen pulled the hot milk off the stove and poured it into the only two mugs he had- something she again purchased for him after she was forced to drink hot chocolate out of a tumbler. Placing the mug in front of her on the table while he blew over his to cool it off, he crossed his legs and sat down on the ground opposite to her. He had finished off half of his mug when she pulled the hood off her head and finally made eye contact. Zen was practically crawling out of his skin to speak but he knew he that this wasn’t the time to push her.  
MC dropped her gaze back down to her lap, intent on playing with the edges of his hoodie; he could tell that she trying to muster up the courage to say what she needed to say, so still- he kept his quiet.

“Saeran is cheating on me Zen,’ she breathed out so quietly he thought he was imagining things. When she looked back up at him to assess his reaction he knows that unfortunately it was not the case. Setting his mug down he took a long look at MC sitting there in his clothing, looking more lost than he had ever seen her. Smacking his lips together with a soft ‘pop’ he nodded his head twice to himself and jumped up towards the door to find Saeran and kill him. “No! Wait Zen! Please- don’t… don’t leave me right now” she begged, her eyes wide and afraid. As if he could do no less than what she asked of him.

Too agitated to sit with so much adrenaline and testosterone pumping through him he couldn’t hold back from his questions any longer. Biting the nail on his thumb he tried to think of the most sensitive way to ask what he needed without hurting his friend more than he had to.

“Did- did you know the woman he was with?” he probed gently- it was generally easier for the wounded person to vent about the third party in this situation than to directly attack their partner. The last thing he needed was for her to tell him that he was just a misunderstood boy and that the woman was the one who seduced him. Please, men were all beasts when it came to this sort of thing- even if the woman did seduce him, he was fully aware of his actions and what he was getting into with all this chaos. He ceased his pacing and waited for her answer, his ruby eyes taking in the way her brow furrowed and how the right side of her mouth twisted into a sharp, disgusted expression. It was with an almost imperceptible shake of her head did she answer him, her eyes downcast as she clearly thought about her and Saeran together.

Zen worried at his bottom lip- it could have been a one-time thing for Saeran. Maybe he was really drunk? Not an excuse but at least he wasn’t out to deliberately hurt MC. Wait- why was he trying to find loopholes out for the little shit? Fuck him and the horse he and the bitch rode in on. Which considering what was happening, was Saeran himself- so fuck him twice over. Asshole. He purposefully resumed his pacing to think of this next question when he looked back to MC.

“I didn’t know the man with them either” she added as an afterthought.

Zen could feel the beginnings of a killer migraine forming behind his eyes.

 

* * *

 

_MC had just gotten back from her monthly catch up with Jaehee and was feeling in high spirits. They had gotten their hair and nails done, got some shopping in, watched the latest chick flick and had a long chat about what was happening in their lives over some amazing coffee and cake. Unfortunately, the girl’s day out had to be cut short as Jumin had texted her to come ASAP for an emergency meeting- apparently one of their investors was headed over from Tokyo the next morning and needed a whole new proposal written up. Jaehee had looked up from her phone and with her most serious of tones simply asked,_

_“If I killed Jumin- you’d help me bury the body, right?”_

_“Of course! And I’m sure Zen would happily dig the hole with his bare hands just for you Jaehee. Don’t worry, I understand and it seems that Jumin’s really sorry about the interruption-"_

" _He’s only sorry because it’s inconveniencing you. He treats you like his little sister or something,” Jaehee shivered at the thought of how horrible having Jumin as an older brother seemed._

_“Oh he’s not so bad! Besides he’s having a car pick us up and take us home!”_

_"If it were only me here he’d tell me to grow a rocket out of my ass and fly over,” she snidely retorted as she pulled out some bills to help pay for their food. Spotting the company cars pull up to them the girls made their way over to their separate vehicles still chatting away._

_“Now, Now, Jaehee you’re being entirely too unreasonable. Jumin would never ask you to grow a rocket out of your ass. You’d have to have them come out of your back so as to look more professional. Really hard to sit on rockets,” she playfully chided,_

_“Oh, is that what you say to Saeran every time he asks for something a little less vanilla in bed?” Jaehee teased back, earning a look of shock and from her friend._

_“Oh my goodness Jaehee no one would believe me if I told them you said that!”_

_“I know- that’s why I only ever say this stuff around you!” she laughed as she stuck her tongue out at her before sliding into the car. MC had watched the car and Jaehee drive away for a moment before climbing into the back seat as well. The driver wasn’t one she normally recognised so she told him the address and sat back into the plush leather seat._

_She was excited to head back early to be honest, she knew Saeyoung was away on a week-long toy conference and Saeran would most likely be on his computer doing god knows what. MC opened the silky bag inside her handbag to lightly run her fingers along the fine lingerie she had purchased to surprise Saeran with. He used to be absolutely insatiable and would practically climb on top of her sometimes twice a day; but in the last couple of months he’d barely touched her… and whenever she tried to start something he’d just try to cuddle or flat out say no. It wouldn’t have worried her in normal circumstances but she’d walked in on him more than a handful of times pleasuring himself in their room when he thought no one was at home. She fought down her pride and reasoned that it must have been her- Saeran was used to much more imaginative stuff than she had experienced and if she wanted to keep both herself and her man satisfied she would need to take it into her own hands. MC just prayed that this was enough to start even part of his motor running and she would happily do the rest._  
_As the driver pulled up the house she looked at her phone- 4:15pm, this was about three hours earlier than what she told Saeran she’d be home- she was hoping he was taking one of his long afternoon naps so she could wake him up wearing nothing but the black lace corset and underwear she purchased. Maybe if she was lucky she would catch him coming out of the shower… or maybe he was rubbing one out right then and there… and maybe she could just forgo the lingerie and just get down to business?_

 _Answering the security system’s ridiculous question, she was allowed to enter the building without any issue however as soon as she walked in she felt as if her eardrums were about to burst from the assault of a song with a particularly heavy bass blasting through the entire house. It wasn’t odd for either brother to have music blaring at any time of the day but what got her interest piqued was the fact that most of the lights were turned off. Heading further into the house to enter the lounge, the only part of the house with any sort of lighting, she assumed she’d find her boyfriend probably reclining on the lounge with his eyes closed just appreciating the music._  
  
_She was almost right._

_Leaning back into the couch with this fingers digging into the fabric beneath him was Saeran, completely naked, getting sucked off by a woman MC had never seen before…. And by a man she also didn’t recognise. The male stranger left the woman to her own devices as he licked and bit up Saeran’s torso to bring one of his nipples into his mouth only to clamp down harshly on the sensitive flesh. Saeran’s back arched forward unexpectedly in what MC knew was pleasure- he used to do the same for her. Roughly grabbing his lover by the scruff of his hair he brought his head to his own to meet in a frenzied, angry kiss. MC continued to watch in disbelief as her boyfriend continued to kiss this man as if his life depended upon it, watched on as he writhed and moaned for other people and seemed utterly desperate for their touch._

_Their touch. Not hers. Not anymore._

_The woman on the floor happened to open her eyes and see MC standing there watching them in an almost sick sort of painful fascination. Releasing his member from her mouth she used her free hand to slap Saeran’s inner thigh hard enough for him to bite back a snarl._

_“You didn’t tell us there was going to be more coming along Saeran? You going to tell her to come and join us or does she just like to watch?”_

_Considering the subject matter MC thought the woman was being very polite. Not that it helped the situation. It just made it worse. What the hell was going on here? Saeran’s desire filled eyes opened and moved over to where MC was standing; he must have been deep in his lust as it took him a good five seconds before he realised just who he was looking at and what was happening. Saeran had roughly pushed the man and woman away from him and tried to find the words to explain what it was his girlfriend had just witnessed._

_But he couldn’t. He couldn’t._  
  
_Saeran began looking around for anything he could use to cover himself up so he could go to her and talk in private, but at the sight of Saeran’s mortification MC finally returned to herself and could only think to run, to escape. Noticing he was searching for something to wear she took her chance and ran out of the door. Maybe if she ran far enough- this wouldn’t be real. Maybe if she ran fast enough she’d be able to out run all this madness. Maybe if she never came back, she would never have to face it. She wandered to all the places that Saeran had hated to go, though as the day wore on MC could feel herself getting more and more tired- so she decided to head to a small local bookshop she adored; she could have spent hours there but Saeran hated it with a passion. He said those kinds of books reminded him of the books Saeyoung used to bring home to learn from before he had left and if he had to stay in the store he would start wrecking stuff- so unfortunately he would always wait for her outside. Upon turning down the street where the store was she saw Saeran was already there looking madly around for her, his fingers in his hair tugging at the strands in a furious panic. Seeing him there so desperate to find her and in obvious distress made her chest ache- she wanted nothing more than to call out his name and run to him. To feel his arms lock around her and make her feel safe again. She felt one foot slide towards him unconsciously and that minute movement was enough for him to spot her. MC could see the instant relief that fell upon his face at seeing her. She saw him releasing the hold he had on his scalp and swing his arms towards her like he was a child rushing with arms wide open to be held._

_She couldn’t do this. Not yet. She didn’t even have the time to process what had happened and he wanted to come running back to her._

_No. **No**._

_Sliding her foot back behind her she watched as the fear slowly etched its way back on to Saeran’s face as he picked up his pace towards her and started screaming out her name; but she was still faster as she turned on the balls of her feet and ran back the other way to hide amidst the crowds, she knew was impossible to follow. When her feet could no longer walk a step without her cringing in pain she took a moment to pause to see where she was. She knew this street. This was Zen’s street. Thank God. Saeran used to hate coming to visit Zen to the point that he stopped coming along with her._

  
_Every step she took down the stairs caused her to let out a small yelp until finally her feet gave way and she unceremoniously fell on the step. She couldn’t get up. She couldn’t speak. The only thing that she felt was the pain flaring in her feet. MC thought that wasn’t such a bad deal bearing in mind the day she was dealt. Sitting there for a while she decided to test out her feet to see if she could make it to the front door but alas the pain just straight shot up her leg as she settled herself back down again. She couldn’t understand what was happening here, couldn’t understand what she was feeling… or not feeling. MC knew that she thought she was hurt when she saw Saeran and the others, she thought she was hurt when she ran- but by the end of the day she was still walking but she wasn’t feeling anything anymore. Wasn’t that weird, wasn’t that wrong? Shouldn’t she be crying right now? Screaming? Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen when things like this happen? Wasn’t she meant to feel something more than this emptiness inside her?_

  
_… Would she be able to feel anything again? Did Saeran actually destroy her?_

  
_“Hey MC! What are you doing out there? Where’s Saeran?”_

 

* * *

 

  
  
Zen had listened as patiently as possible and made all the appropriate sounds and faces during her story- by the end of it all he emotional enough for the both them. Picking her up before she knew it, he carried her over to his humble kitchen bench and sat her down next to the sink. He was filling up the sink with warm water as he carefully pulled off the ballerina flats she wore, trying to be as gentle as possible whenever she would let out a hiss of pain. Zen saw her red blistered feet and the cuts of where the shoes had bitten into her leaving bloody stains on her skin and in the leather. He lightly ghosted the marks with his thumbs before slowly turning her body around so that she could soak her feet in the sink. As she nervously lowered her feet into the water pained cries leapt forth from her mouth as the heat seared along her tender flesh. Tears began to track down her face as the stinging became worse and worse, she had tried to find something to brace on to, the window ledge was too high and too thin. The counter top too awkward to grasp while upon it, her bended knees too low to wrap her arms around herself… finally she pulled her friend towards her and buried her fingers into his back and into his hair as clung frantically to him. She was openly weeping now, drenching his t-shirt but failing to care, he continued to rub calming patterns over her back and quietly breathing soothing words in her ear.

“Z-Zen,” she hiccoughed into his shoulder, her grip iron clad on his shirt.

“Yes MC”

“Why do my feet hurt more than my heart does? What’s wrong with me? Where- where do I go from here- what is wrong with me?” she asked truly believing that she was damaged somehow. Zen took her by the shoulders and bent down to meet her eye and made sure she was focused on him before he started speaking.

“MC, there is nothing wrong with you” he declared as he tightened his grip on her to further impress his point. MC bitterly laughed at his insistence. She was defective.

“… That’s a joke, right? There must be something wrong with me, if there wasn’t he wouldn’t have pushed me away. If there wasn’t he wouldn’t need anyone more than me. I’m not enough. Look at me- I’m crying more because my feet hurt instead of my boyfriend cheating on me- that’s not normal Zen”

“Ever heard of projecting MC? You’re kinda doing it right now! You’re trying to convince yourself that you’re feet are hurting instead of your heart,” he reasoned with her only to be drowned out by her own destructive thoughts. Zen’s temper simmered beneath his composed veneer but he couldn’t let himself start yelling at her just to get his point across. MC had been through enough that day she didn’t need her love starved bestie flinging out reasons why she was the best person he had ever met and how she could never be found lacking in any measure and that he was still in love with her. He definitely couldn’t say the last one. It wasn’t fair… to either of them. A loud thrashing at his door and windows broke his contemplation as he wondered when the hell he became so popular to have so many unplanned visitors that night. The knocking became more unrelenting until both Zen and MC thought the person would break through.

“MC!”

“ _Saeran_ …” MC whispered as Zen resumed his movements over MC’s back to try get her to focus back on herself and not the prick screaming outside.

“I can get rid of him Jagi, you won’t have to see him at all after this,” he promised her while glaring at the direction of the noise outside. He was about to leave her side when she grabbed his hand to stop him from charging out there and getting into a fist fight with her boyfriend. Taking a few steady but shallow breaths she shook her head to try to clear her mind.

“No Zen, please… please just let him in, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Come on MC it’ll take me two minutes to wipe the flo-“

“No Zen. I need to know why this happened. If it was my fault somehow. I need to know how to fix… me.”

“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!” Zen yelled exasperated, letting his hands touch the sides of her face, his thumbs gliding over her soft skin. “I don’t care what you say MC, if he has you believing that this is somehow your fault that he decided to stick his dick in two separate people- I _will_ kill him. I don’t know what he’s done to you or what you’re telling yourself but it’s not right, I won’t stand by and let you do this to yourself do you hear me?” MC sat back absolutely flummoxed by Zen’s outburst and simply swallowed the words she was originally going to say.

“MC!!! MC, ARE YOU IN THERE? ZEN! IS MC THERE?!” Saeran began hollering at the top of his lungs that earnt him multiple curses thrown at him from Zen’s once-sleeping neighbours.

“SHUT UP I’M COMING!” he roared as he stormed over to the front door, throwing a cautionary look to MC before he finally opened the door. Saeran seeing MC sitting on the kitchen bench started to run towards her only to be pulled back by Zen dragging him into the lounge by his jacket. “She said she’ll be out in a minute, just sit your ass down.”

“So I’m guessing she told you huh?” Saeran asked not able to look the taller male in the eye, his eyes solely focused on the kitchen entrance.

“While I kinda guessed why she was at my doorstep in the middle of the night crying and alone- she was kind enough to give me specifics,” he sneered.

A small cry of pain echoed out of the kitchen; Saeran tried to rush in to see if MC was ok while Zen forcefully pushed him back down on the couch “You should see what your actions have done to her,” Zen spat at him under his breath so MC wouldn’t hear. “You should see that she ran herself so ragged that she couldn’t walk anymore- all to get away from you. You should see how fucked up her head is that she thinks it’s her fault you’re a piece of shit who can’t be loyal to the only person who truly loves you. She thinks there’s something fundamentally wrong with her because of _your_  fuck up. Well done- you have finally done more damage to her than almost blowing her up! Is this what you envisaged when you first saw her and wanted to take her to ‘paradise’? Was this what you wanted?” he demanded from Saeran not realising his voice was climbing in volume the more and more he got worked up.

“That’s enough Zen,” MC intervened, trying her best to not to put too much pressure on her feet. Saeran’s body shook fitfully, tears flashing against his skin as he looked up at his fragmented girlfriend.

“Is everything he said true MC?” he asked pointing to Zen. “Did you… hurt yourself just to get away from me? Did I hurt you so bad that you think those things?”

MC hobbled over to Saeran and sat beside him, seizing his hand within hers. Zen’s stomach felt like someone had poured liquid lead into it, he couldn’t stand to see her acting so nurturing to him after he betrayed her so completely. Helpless- he retreated into his room, trying his best not imagine MC’s eyes and the way she looked at him on the rooftop not so long ago.  
  
The two sat in silence for more than should have been considered comfortable. The sounds of their hitching breaths, shuffling clothes and the constant tick of the clock their only companions. Their hands were still entwined with one another’s. It was Saeran who let go first MC noted, a succinct reminder of what was transpiring between them.  
Saeran licked his lips as he tried to figure out where to begin.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, his voice trembling with emotion he so very rarely displayed. “That’s’ the first thing I need to say to you. None of this is what you deserve MC, I should have been honest from the beginning” he ground out, the bitterness and regret in his tone apparent.

“You could always be honest now,” she offered and Saeran let out a huff bemusement.

“That I could”

MC willed her eyes to look into his. She had to know.

“MC I’m attracted to both men and women- but that’s not the reason I did what I did to you. I did what I did… because… I didn’t think you could accept me as I was. I mean, I can’t even accept me, how could I expect some like you to? And as we got deeper and deeper into this relationship my guilt for not telling you everything about myself was starting to strangle me. Every time I touched you- I swore I could see my lies bleeding into you. I could see myself carving out my dark fantasies into you and- I … I couldn’t let that happen to you MC.” He took his fist in his mouth and bit down hard on himself, “I didn’t trust you to love me, but I wanted to keep you, I wanted to keep you without trusting you. I wanted to sabotage what we had but still keep you. Oh God I’m not making any sense!“

MC’s mouth hang open slightly at his confession. And then she felt it. Her heart. Her heart finally broke. For the both of them.

\- There it was, the familiar beat she had been missing all day. Finally, the pain she had been waiting for spread throughout her veins and left her charred on the inside. She was broken, but the pain meant she could be fixed. Swallowing, MC turned to Saeran with a soft smile on her face and tears pouring down her face.

“Saeran, being attracted to men and women isn’t something to be ashamed of, I would have never looked down upon you for telling me that,” she cooed as she brushed some hair out of his eyes. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you did betray me. You lied. You cheated. You sabotaged us. I may have been able to forgive you for all these things… but you… do you understand that you tried to kill me once? That I had to work so hard through so much stuff to even be in the same room as you? But I did. Because I loved you. However, you betrayed me because you couldn’t trust me? What the hell did I ever do to you to earn that? I was there for every step of your recovery, through every drug fuelled nightmare… I was there.”

“I know, I know MC-” he cried as he pulled at his hair miserably. “I don’t deserve you. I’ve never deserved you” his sobs making him bend upon himself, prostrating before her.

“You did once Saeran,” she said running her fingers through his hair. “But not right now, not after today.”

Saeran pushed himself off the couch and threw himself in front of MC to grab hold of her middle and weep with her. “We can work through this MC- we can start from square one and try again. I don’t want to lose you. Let me build trust between us” he begged, wrapping himself so tightly around her that the air was thrust out of her lungs. Placing what she knew would be the final kiss of their relationship to the side of his temple, she pursed her lips together and shook her head from side to side, prompting another screech of pain to erupt from Saeran’s throat.

“I’m sorry Saeran. I love you, I’ll always love you and what we could have had but I can’t trust you… not… not for a long time… and besides- we both need to fix ourselves now. Two broken people don’t make a whole Saeran, they just make a mess.”

Saeran, finally calming down enough looked up into her eyes and offered a watery smile to her, “…But we were a beautiful mess weren’t we MC?”

She nodded as she wiped away his tears, “The most beautiful mess there ever was Saeran.” 

Laughing despite himself he leant back on his hunches and tried to piece himself together enough to get home intact. “Do you… do you think maybe… “he said as he made his way to the door, “Hmm? What?”

A small flush of crimson lined across his nose and under his eyes. “Do you think, one day- when we’re whole people, that we could make something beautiful together again?”  
The final piece of her heart that she was clinging to burst at the hope splayed over his face.

“… Goodbye Saeran” she forced through her teeth, the very last vestige of strength leaving her. If he didn’t leave now she’d run right back to him and they’d be in the same trouble they were in at the beginning of their relationship.

“I- I… goodbye MC” he turned back around and walked out of Zen’s apartment.

  
And suddenly. It was all over.She was crying. Bawling. Inconsolable. She was laughing. Giggling. Joyous.  
She felt absolutely sane and insane at the same time.

She felt.

She was going to be ok.

“Zen!” she cried out and within a matter of seconds he stumbled out of his room and at her side, his fists balled ready for a fight. “I’m hurting.”

“Where the fuck is that little shit?! What did he do to you now?” Zen roared his chest heaving.

“No- he’s gone. But I’m hurting. I’m ok. I can be fixed,” she beamed through her tears, clasping her hands together at her breast bone. “ _I can be fixed_.”

 

* * *

 

He refused to let her go home in the condition she was in so she spent the night at his house. They lay on the roof together in silence with their hands linked, offering comfort to each other. As the sun began to rise he turned to MC to suggest they head back in; only to find her sleeping soundly with her tears still coating her eyelashes like diamonds reflecting in the dawn light.  
Zen breathed in and then he breathed out.

That chance that always existed between them seemed even further now than it did when she first came through his door the night before. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be- maybe she was meant to be the one that always got away from him.

  
When he watched her leave that day he had no idea that it would be years again until they’d meet again. Zen didn’t see or hear from MC again for more than three years, with MC only leaving a message for the RFA stating that she needed to be on her own for her health and that she was so sorry she couldn’t be around for a little while. He did get one message two days later saying that she was safe and that she was thankful for him.

  
That had to be enough for Zen.

  
He never went up to the roof again.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t understand why Jumin kept such an anal schedule especially seeing as they never did anything to assist the actual planning of the party but just used the time to catch up and bicker as per normal. He was beginning to think the C&R Director viewed these monthly meetings like a family dinner and let the old boy have his way. However, when everyone except Jumin was at the meeting Zen started feeling the little hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

  
In perfect unison, everyone’s cell phone buzzed with a familiar ping of a group chat being created in their app. Looking at the messages it was Jumin, apologising profusely for not being able to make the meeting at the eleventh hour however he did find a suitable replacement who should be arriving through the doors of the room, right… about… now…  
Zen’s eyes darted to the front of the room when the large double doors opened to reveal a familiar feminine shape. Saeran had bolted from his seat to rush the woman and picked her up into a spinning hug. MC’s laugh trickled over him and suddenly he was right back where he started three years ago, longing for her on that roof, jealous of her and Saeran. He vaguely registered her hugging and greeting everyone in the room until she made her way to him. Zen thought himself a brave man, but he was scared. If he looked into those eyes again he could kiss away any happiness he may have had with another woman; he’d be trapped with no sign of any escape.

  
“Zen Oppa…?”

  
Fuck it.

  
He leapt from his seat and did the one thing he’d wanted to do for over five years. He kissed her. There could be no tentative movements from him. If he was going to lose himself to the misery of never having her, he would have more than the memory of eyes looking at him longingly. He would have more than her tears on the roof. He would steal this for himself and that would be enough.

  
His lips danced over hers softly, his tongue smoothing over the soft creases in her lips until he found purchase into her mouth. His hands pulled her body as close his as possible, close enough to feel the skip in her heart beat through her chest. His fingertips traced over the skin of her neck and jawline, curling into her hair. He would memorise her like he did a script.  
He didn’t realise that she was kissing him back until she pulled back to gasp for air.

  
“… Jagiya” he whispered against her lips. “ _Jagiya_?”

  
Smiling as she stroked the end of his ponytail, she finally agreed, “That’s me…”

  
The bubble of hope he’d been holding on to exploded and manifested into a loud howl of joy as he took MC by the hand and made to exit the room.

  
“B-but the meeting” she hesitated,

  
“MC, do you want to have a boring old RFA meeting or finally have our first date?” he heckled her affectionately while raising an eyebrow. Looking back at the rest of the RFA while contemplating her options she gave Zen a curt nod and ran out of the building hand in hand and didn’t look back.

  

* * *

 

Sitting up on the roof of his building with a blanket wrapped around them as they watched the stars, sipping hot chocolate from the mugs she gave him many years ago- Zen has never felt more thankful. Running his nose down his woman’s neck to breathe in her sweet scent, his body shielding her from whatever may come- finally he understands that the chances they could have had before were just for practise. For him to realise that sometimes chances don’t come by, sometimes you have to make them yourself.

  
_“Hey Jagi- let’s take a selfie.”_


End file.
